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Last week’s apparently inconsequential episode actually does have some consequences this week as relationships are tested, broken up and reformed, while some truths are revealed. There was little interaction among the core group this week as everyone had to deal with their relationship issues so let’s break them down by couples and those in their immediate orbit.
Archie & Cheryl
This coupling had the most consequences after Cheryl blatantly and proudly displayed her hickey, courtesy of Archie, to her mother and brother, insinuating that they went ‘all the way’ in the process. For Cheryl, this was merely an attempt to shut them up about having a boyfriend, but it backfired spectacularly as Julian angrily confronted Archie about deflowering his sister, besmirching her honor. At the same time, mother Penelope paid a visit to Mary to reveal what had happened — what she believed had happened — and summoned the Andrewses to dinner to sort out the mess. This 1955 Mary Andrews is very different from the present day version, complacently agreeing to Penelope’s demands. At dinner, we are treated to the return of Clifford Blossom, here the mayor of Riverdale and great friends with Joseph McCarthy, testing Archie’s knowledge of the political arena (like the ‘Russia problem’) which Archie successfully navigated just by saying a lot of words, over and over. So it’s settled — Archie and Cheryl will marry, after they take a ‘compatibility test’ administered by the school superintendent (three questions). And Mary seems fine with it, almost as if she has no choice, but is surprised when Penelope delivers the news that they passed the test. Mary doesn’t think they have anything in common but for Penelope their glorious red hair seems to be sufficient.
Surprisingly, Archie seems on board with the plan … until Clifford lays out the kids’ lives for them. No college, a waste of time and money. Archie will go to work part-time for the maple business, and will train to eventually become full-time and running things. Cheryl will stay at Thorn Hill to learn how to run the household under her mother’s supervision. Archie says he hoped he and Cheryl would live at his house, but Clifford’s dismissal of his daughter living in that ‘hovel’ as ridiculous began to turn Archie sour on the prospect of marriage. But like his mom, he was still willing to marry Cheryl and suggested that they elope instead and run off to California, just like his dad said they would do one day (the spirit of Fred Andrews and Luke Perry still weigh heavily on this show). Cheryl agrees, unaware that Toni overheard the conversation, and when Cheryl later approaches her to give her the news, Toni lays it all out on the table that Cheryl can run from Riverdale, she can run from her family, but she can never run from who she is, and if she goes to California she will live out her days as a lonely old woman. The conversation had the desired effect as Cheryl met Archie at the bus station to tell him she couldn’t go to California with him because it wasn’t go to solve her problems. She had things that she had to deal with and she could only do that in Riverdale. But she did give Archie a word of advice — that poem she asked him to write for her, he should right it for that girl who lives right next door to him. Returning to tell Toni that she’s staying — for many reasons — and Toni gives Cheryl a book to read, ‘The Cost of Pepper’, not for Toni but for herself. Of course everything that Toni is doing her is for herself, continuing to play that ‘long game’ she told Veronica she was playing. Archie does write that poem and starts to run over to give it to Betty, but he’s stopped in his tracks by a surprise visitor — Uncle Frank, minus the beard but still with the ridiculously dyed black hair. He tells Archie that his mom gave him a call and he’s come to Riverdale to knocks some heads, starting with Archie’s.
Betty & Kevin
Betty’s attempt to ‘enlighten’ Kevin by giving him her ‘Human Sexuality’ book did not produce the results she had hoped for. Kevin returned the book to her and said he knew what she wanted but … he wanted to wait for marriage to go any further with their relationship. That was unacceptable for Betty show she did what she had to do — she broke up with Kevin. Toni — who seems to be all over with a hand in everyone’s relationships — tries to console a heartbroken Betty and offers to take her to The Dark Room for a chat over a cup of coffee. The question is — was this a premeditated action? Because when they got there, who happened to also be there but Kevin … slow dancing with Clay. Going back to her house, Alice tells Betty that Mrs. Keller called to tell her that Betty broke up with Kevin. Alice says that Kevin is devastated and his mother doesn’t know where he is or if he’s okay. Betty assures her mother that Kevin is fine, and he’s so upset that he’s already found a new shoulder to cry on, a very masculine shoulder. Alice goes to the old ‘it’s just a phase’ explanation and advises Betty to just let it play out and he’ll come back to her.
Instead, Betty approaches Kevin at school the next day and is actually compassionate about the situation, having read about ‘people like him’ in her book. Kevin told Betty that was the first time he’d been with Clay. After she’d broken up with him, he was in the locker room bawling his eyes out and Clay heard him and came over to offer him some comfort. Kevin assures her that if he’d known before who he was he would have never wasted her time. Betty shuts that down and says their relationship was not a waste of time, at least not for her. Why can’t more people be like Betty? Be a Betty! Unfortunately, back at her house things are not going so well with Alice after Kevin revealed that the pin he gave to Betty wasn’t his, it was her mother’s and he assured her that Alice contacted him, not the other way around. Confronting her mother about this, Alice just tells her that she’s trying to protect her from dangers that are coming and one day Betty will thank her, to which Betty says she doubts it. Storming off to her room, Alice adds that she burned Betty’s sex book so she won’t be reading it under the covers anymore (in an earlier confrontation about the book, Ethel lied and said that she ordered it by mail and Betty found it in her room).
Fangs & Midge
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Midge is late. Not for a very important date though … well, technically she is late for a date that she’s never late for so that can mean only one thing — preggers. Fangs is actually very understanding and promises that he will be present. When he reveals the news to Toni (see, she is up in everyone’s business) she says the only thing he can do is wash the grease out of his hair, put on a suit and ask Midge’s parents for their blessing to wed … without telling them about the impending arrival. And just to make sure there is a bundle of joy on the way, Toni conducts her own pregnancy test: injecting a female from with Midge’s urine. If it lays eggs right after that, it’s a positive on the pregnancy. They do it, the frog does its thing, so Fangs has to do his thing and is turned down immediately. Toni tells him he’s got to get his act together, stay away from Midge. He’s got four months before Midge starts showing and to turn himself into a rich and famous Richie Valens-type of rock-n-roll star. Once they succeed, he can re-propose to Midge and her family will have no choice but to let their rich, white, privileged daughter marry him. It’s a Romeo & Juliet love story and they belong together. Umm, Toni does know how that story ends, right?
Jughead & Ethel … and Veronica
Picking up where things left off last week, the sheriff and school administrators decided that the artwork Ethel had drawn and Jughead had hidden, including the comic book with the murderous milkman, was enough evidence to have them arrested for the murder of Ethel’s parents. Marching the pair out of school, Jughead was able to tell Ronnie that they were being railroaded. Visiting Jughead and Ethel in jail, he tells Veronica that they can only hold them for 24 hours unless they are charged with a crime. Veronica is certain that there must be a way to prove their innocence and asks about Riverdale’s coroner. Sadly we don’t get to see the 1955 version of Dr. Curdle Jr. (or Sr. for that matter) but Ronnie is able to produce the autopsy records that prove Jughead could not have been the killer since he was at the Sock Hop at the time of death. With Juggie out of jail, they have to find a way to clear Ethel. He goes back to talk to her and gets more information that is quite surprising — she was with Julian Blossom before she showed up at the dance covered in blood. According to Ethel, she’d been at the bus stop when Julian pulled up and offered her a ride to the dance. But he took her to the overlook instead and tried to get a bit too handsy with her, prompting her to storm out of the car and return home where she found her parents slaughtered.
Getting Julian to admit this to anyone was going to be a challenge. Confronting him about why he did what he did, he said it was just for cheap thrills. Jughead didn’t like that answer and slugged the entitled little prick in the face and told him exactly how he felt, adding that he was going to do the right thing and tell the truth to the sheriff. Not wanting to endure more of Jughead’s wrath Julian did admit what happened and with no further suspicion against her, Ethel was released from the jail and back in the care of the Coopers. Unfortunately for her, after she covered for Betty about the book, Alice decided to contact Social Services and had Ethel sent to the convent of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy (Betty was horrified when she learned this, saying the nuns conduct experiments on people but Alice said those claims had been debunked). Not the best solution for Ethel but it’s better than a jail cell … or is it?
With Jughead and Veronica playing Nick and Nora Charles from The Thin Man movies to help Ethel, Ronnie learned that the police had completely ransacked his train car — and taken his dog — so Ronnie offered him a room at the Pembroke. There’s an entire wing she hasn’t even set foot in yet. He agrees and sleeps like a log, but he needs to set Hot Dog free and clean up his place. Ronnie tells him to get his dog and she will clean up for him, and by the time he returns his train car looks like a room at the Pembroke (thanks to some Hollywood set design people she knows). She offers Jughead a more permanent room at her place, but he says that he and Hot Dog are creatures of habit. Jughead later learns of Ethel’s situation and delivers the news to Veronica, feeling like he failed her. Ronnie says he did not, he fought hard for her and got her out of jail. Taking his hand she says he saved Ethel, and the gesture made Jughead see Veronica’s heart, leading to a kiss and the response ‘Wowee.’ ‘You can say that again’, said Ronnie, and they locked lips again as ‘Unchained Melody’ swelled on the soundtrack.
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 9:00 PM.
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