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Okay, so remember that moment when it appeared that Polly’s twins — the improbably named Juniper and Dagwood — were dropped into a fire pit only to float high above their mom’s head? The sight of which caused Betty to have a seizure and pass out? Well, we’re just going to pretend that never happened this week. Maybe it was all in Betty’s head or someone slipped her some Jingle Jangle. Because no one is even entertaining the notion that Betty actually did see something weird … which means she definitely saw something weird and now Alice and Polly are gaslighting her.
But Jughead did see something weird in the forest that resulted in the death of Dilton Doiley, #RIPDilton, and left his friend — the improbably named Benjamin Button (!) — in a coma. Following in her mom’s footsteps, Betty paid off the (new) coroner to get the scoop in what killed Dilton — cyanide and some kind of fruit juice energy drink which was part of the Dungeons & Dragons-ish game the two were playing, something about ascending to the next level … which basically meant the one who got the cyanide died and won.
But Bughead found there was more to this game when it turned out Big Ethel was involved, playing the role of a princess … and believing she and Ben were dating. Insisting to her that she was just playing a game, she revealed the existence of a bunker Dilton had hidden out in the forest, which begs the questions did Dilton somehow create this bunker himself (Jughead remarked that he was really into this survivalist thing), was it something already there that he found, and how did he get all of that furniture down through that little hole in the ground? Ethel promised she would show the teen sleuths where the bunker was that night but …
She lied. Instead they found themselves confronting … The Gargoyle King? It was definitely someone in a costumed representation of the drawing Dilton left for Jughead and the thing Juggie saw when he found Dilton and Ben. And the face was bloody. Was Ethel sending them into a trap or was this all part of the game? They didn’t stick around to find out — and luckily the thing was not a fast mover — but looking at the map again, they realized among the markings was a symbol that probably represented a hatch and made they way back to the forest.
Finding the bunker, they also found another participant of the game lying in wait for them — as forewarned by Ethel apparently — but he refused to believe that Dilton was dead. Confronting Ethel in school the next day, trying to find out why she sent them on a wild goose chase and wanting to know more about this game, Ethel said she could not talk about it. When pressed, she suddenly stiffened up and hit the floor, apparently having a seizure similar to Betty’s. So what forces are in play to cause two people to have this reaction in completely unrelated ways?
Well, it could very well have something to do with a new girl at Riverdale High, the improbably named Evelyn Evernever (I see a pattern here). She’s a member of The Farm, so she knows Polly and admitted to Betty that she was among the group in her back yard ‘having a cookout’ when Betty had her seizure. What Betty didn’t notice was that Evelyn was also lurking around when Ethel had her seizure. Curiouser and curiouser. I mean, if this girl has the ability to cause people to have seizures, then why can’t there be floating babies? After getting Ethel some help, Jughead and Betty decide to pay Ben a visit one more time to see if he’s conscious yet. And he is, sitting in the window of his room, apparently in some blissful state, saying he’s about to join Dilton. And with that he leans out the window and crashes to the ground. How long before Sheriff Minetta tries to pin this death on them?
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While all this is going on, Archie is being processed into the improbably named Leopold & Loeb Detention Center (so named for two college students who in 1924 kidnapped and murdered a 14-year-old boy to prove they could carry out ‘the perfect murder’ which served as the inspiration for Alfred Hitchcock’s Rope) where he meets his new cell mate Mad Dog, tries to acclimate into the Serpents there (led by Joaquin) but only if he shivs a Ghoulie, and is warned to keep his sneakers tied tightly. The warden also informs Archie there is a music room that goes unused, so when he takes advantage of the solitude there, the Ghoulies show up and take his shoes.
Veronica is doing her duty and visiting her Archiekins and hoping to keep his class president seat warm until she can bust him out, but she’s going to have to fight Cheryl for that position. When learning that Archie’s lost his sneakers, Ronnie and Reggie return with a new pair and Reggie inspires Archie to try and be a peacemaker between the Ghoulies and Serpents while they’re behind bars by holding a football game with mixed teams, no one side against the other. The idea is welcomed by the warden, but Mad Dog can’t be a part of it for mysterious reasons he won’t tell Archie.
And Ronnie even gets in on the act, allowing Cheryl to take the class president position on one condition. Yes, the Vixens show up at the game to cheer on the boys with a perhaps too sexy version of ‘Jailhouse Rock’. But as the game continues, who should drive up by Hiram Lodge who is still not happy with his daughter’s attachment to Archie and assures her that she will not be allowed to visit him after this. As the Vixens finish their performance, Lodge nods to the warden and suddenly the riot squad invades the field, clubbing the players. Archie fights back but is eventually taken down … as Veronica and the girls watch in horror.
The end result sees Ronnie approach the mayor (aka her mother) to sign off on a proposal to open a branch of The Innocence Project in Riverdale so she can help free Archie. Not wanting to get between Hiram and Veronica, she refuses at first but V appeals to her as a constituent, not her daughter. She gets her wish, and is able to visit Archie in prison again … albeit in a not very convincing disguise. When Archie returns to his cell Mad Dog and all of his belongins are gone, the officer telling him that Mad Dog died in the ‘riot’ Archie started. But Mad Dog was not there (and there was no riot), so what happened to Mad Dog? Called into the warden’s office, Archie is seemingly reprimanded for single-handedly putting three officers in the infirmary. Impressed, the warden tells Archie he’s his new Mad Dog. Whatever that means, but with the warden on the take from Hiram does this mean Archie will once again be under Hiram’s thumb (or heel)?
But back to all the mysterious goings-on in Riverdale. The final moments find Hermione holding a meeting with Hiram, Alice, Fred, FP, Sheriff Keller, Sierra McCoy and Penelope Blossom apparently concerned over what’s happened with Dilton and Ben. Something like this has happened before when they were teenagers and they had all agreed to never talk about it. But now that ‘it’ is happening again, they may have to dredge up the past. But what exactly is ‘it’?
By the way, this week’s episode title ‘Fortune and Men’s Eyes’ is taking from the film (and play) of the same name which follows a 17-year-old sentenced to six months in a youth reformatory. The title is taken from a Shakespearean sonnet which was seen on the wall of the warden’s office.
Riverdale airs Wednesday at 8:00 PM.
What did you think of the episode? Are the events happing in town of the supernatural variety? And who is Evelyn Evernever? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.
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