Halloween II :: Scary or corny?

Universal Pictures

Editor’s note: As part of our Halloween theme, we have asked some guests to contribute their thoughts on the season. Kevin Kohlhafer reminisces about the time he and a friend saw Halloween II for the very first time.

JEFF – So, what did you think?
KEVIN – (walking into crowded lobby after seeing a late night showing of Halloween II his older pal, Jeff. It is sometime around 1981.) Um, give me a second I’m kinda still shaking in my boots.
JEFF – Yeah, right. No seriously, did you like it better than Part 1?
KEVIN – I’m being serious here, Jeff. It scared the shit out of me. Give me a second so I can gather my thoughts.
JEFF – Holy Crap? It did scare you. You’re shaking like a leaf.
KEVIN – Well, I wouldn’t go that far but, okay, okay, maybe I am. The movie just felt … evil. Want the rest of my Cherry Coke?
JEFF – No thanks, trash it. Evil, huh? Like the way Doctor Loomis described Michael Myers. “He had evil in his eyes. The Devil’s Eyes!”
KEVIN – Well, yeah, something like that. And the way he roamed around those hospital halls floating from one camera to the next really bothered me. At one point I had to look away.
JEFF – Look away? Oh, wait a minute, was that when you were bending down, trying to find your Milk Duds or something?
KEVIN – Huh? Oh, no. I dropped them. For real.
JEFF – Yeah, well I hope so. For a minute there, boy, I thought you were trying to make a move on me.
KEVIN – (blushing) As if! I dropped my Milk Duds, seriously. Totally!
JEFF – Whatever you say. Totally! So, let’s get back on track here. Did you like it as much as the first one?
KEVIN – Well, yeah. Especially for the fact it picked up right from where the first one left off.
JEFF – Okay, I’ll have to give it that. That was pretty clever on their part. But it went downhill fast after that.
KEVIN – I have to disagree. The murders were really scary, Jeff. Like, when he jumped up and stabbed that girl in the neck, or when he lifted that nurse up and her shoes fell off.
JEFF – And that’s where I think the movie went wrong. It had too many silly moments, too many murders. You can’t lift a woman up with a scalpel.
KEVIN – How would you know? Have you ever tried?
JEFF – No, but if you find me a scalpel I’ll stick it in your back and see if it works.
KEVIN – No thank you.
JEFF – Remember the first one? There were only a few kills and most of them happened quick and to the point. I liked how he stalked them first too. Created tension, suspense, really kept you guessing. I grew up watching Hitchcock with my dad and, that’s the kind of buildup I like. Ever see Psycho, dude?
KEVIN – Yeah, I think once on TV. The girl who gets it in the shower? The guy who wears a wig? It didn’t show much, plus it was black and white.
JEFF – That’s the point, dude! Less is best! I love black and white. Plus, Jamie Lee Curtis was hot in the first one. She got to walk around, watch kids, get high, carve pumpkins. She didn’t do much in this one at all, just laid around looking dumb, waiting for him to strike.
KEVIN – Well, she was in shock, Jeff. I would be too if some nut wearing a mask tried to kill me. Plus, she just figured out that Michael was her brother.
JEFF – Yeah, and that’s another thing. How the hell did Michael know she was his sister?
KEVIN – I dunno. He’s the Boogeyman. They know that kind of shit.
JEFF – Stupid. Too much backstory, and, and how in the heck does a man get up after taking all those bullets?
KEVIN – Well, because he’s the Boogeyman. He’s supernatural.
JEFF – Supernatural my ass. Nobody can survive all those hits. And the way he walked out of that fire in the end? Pleeeeeease.
KEVIN – I thought it was scary.
JEFF – Corny.
KEVIN – Terrifying.
JEFF – Asinine.
KEVIN – Evil.
JEFF – Jeez, will you get off this evil kick?
KEVIN – Can’t help it. That hospital gave me the willies. The place just felt wrong.
JEFF – Yeah, and that’s another thing wrong, where the hell were all the patients? How could anyone see in those dark halls?
KEVIN – I dunno. Michael turned off the lights, maybe.
JEFF – Good assumption, however, we never saw it happen.
KEVIN – Well, maybe they forgot to put it in the movie. Not enough time.
JEFF – They don’t forget shit like that, Kev. It’s Hollywood! Plus, it’s too important.
KEVIN – Well, maybe, just maybe, the hospital sat in a parallel world between good and evil. I mean, he was basically a zombie after all. He could have brought it with him. The dark side.
JEFF – (chuckling) Like, “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope?” Come on Kev, it’s a horror movie, not rocket science. I mean, what’s gonna happen next, William Shatner being beamed down to save the world from killer robots and cursed masks?
KEVIN – That would be interesting. I like killer robots.
JEFF – Stupid, more like it. The first one was better. This one was just bloody and pointless and trying to be more like Friday the 13th or something.
KEVIN – Okay, yeah, maybe it was too bloody and didn’t quite have the style of the first one, and there were a lot of things that didn’t make sense, but I thought it added to the weirdness.
JEFF – Too weird if you ask me.
KEVIN – So, you hated it?
JEFF – Well, no, I can’t say I really hated it, just, disappointed is all.
KEVIN – Did you like it better than, let’s say, Blood Beach?
JEFF – Hell yeah, anything is better than Blood Beach! Stupid ass monster!
KEVIN – (laughing) It wasn’t that bad. But as far as this one goes, I’ll never look at hospital halls the same way again. Especially empty ones. (stepping out into the cold night air, watching the crowd disappear into the parking lot, cars pulling off) Speaking of empty. Looks like we’re the only ones left. And we still have to walk home. Alone.
JEFF – Yeah, so, what’s your point?
In the distance, a trashcan tumbles, glass breaks.
KEVIN – (startled) You feel like maybe staying over my house tonight, Jeff? Parents are out of town, and, well, I really don’t wanna be home alone. Not after seeing this.
JEFF – (sigh) I don’t know Kev. I have football practice in the morning, need to work on my car …
KEVIN – We can order Domino’s Pizza. My treat.
JEFF – Extra cheese?
KEVIN – You bet.
JEFF – Magazines?
KEVIN – Fangoria. Latest issue.
JEFF – MTV?
KEVIN – Just had it installed.
JEFF – Toothbrush?
KEVIN – You can use mine. It’s electric.
JEFF – No shit? Cool. (draping his big arm around Kevin) Let’s go. I can be late for football practice just once.
(He suddenly begins to sing)
“…bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, Mr. Sandman, give me a dream….”
KEVIN – Um, what are you doing, Jeff?
JEFF – Singing. Come on, join in … “make him the cutest that I’ve ever seen!” … it’s the song, at the end of the movie.
KEVIN – Yeah, I know what it is, but …
JEFF – Then sing! It will take your mind off things as we walk.
KEVIN – Um, okay … “give him two lips, like roses and clover?”
JEFF – Yeah, that’s it! “Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over!”
With hand locked around Kevin’s shoulder, they both walk off into the darkness as someone steps out watching them from behind.
KEVIN/JEFF – (laughing, singing, loving life) “Sandman, I’m so alone! Don’t have nobody to call my own!!!”
The moonlight shines on Michael’s blade as he makes his way down the sidewalk behind them.
“… please turn on your magic beam! MR. SANDMAN BRING ME A DREAM!”