Lifetime
Lifetime goes in a bit of a different direction with its latest drama, not exactly a ‘Ripped from the Headlines’ story but one that is very much grounded in reality, becoming a very cautionary tale about the effects of social media on teenagers — or any group that feels marginalized — and how they can become easily radicalized. And to make the point and prepare audiences for what is to come, the film opens with the following disclaimer:
‘The following program contains sensitive subject matter involving minors, which includes violence, self harm and offensive terminology associated with incel culture. Parental discretion is advised.’
Dateless to Dangerous: My Son’s Secret Life stars Jodie Sweetin, taking a break from her fluffy Hallmark movies, as the harried mom of two teenagers, older son Miles and younger sister Haley, both of high school age. Miles isn’t the big dog at school but he has his people, namely the Debate Club and his best (and only) friend Sam. Mom Noelle encourages (or pushes) Miles to help Haley navigate the beginning of her high school years, which he is reluctant to do but she is encouraged to check out the Debate Club and she is quickly accepted by the team. With Homecoming approaching, or HoCo as they call it, Miles is interested in asking out a girl names Sophia. He’s already fed up with the several promposal-like displays of classmates asking girls to be their dates, so he cooks up a rather morbid one in which he positions himself as a dead body outlined on the floor with a sign saying he’s ‘dying’ to go to HoCo with Sophia. She’s a bit stunned and turns him down, which of course is filmed by several other students and posted to social media, further humiliating Miles. Things don’t get any better as Haley and Sam quickly become an item, and when the team is invited to a Debate competition Miles sabotages them after they miss the draw, telling them they are to give the opposite opinion rather than the one they were selected for. But the team wins anyway, and Miles then tries to make a move on his partner Beatrice … maybe a little too aggressively (okay, a lot too aggressively) and that goes down in flames as well.
Now feeling completely ostracized and having the impression that Haley has stolen his only friend — not to mention learning his mom has been sheltering him from the fact that his absent dad isn’t coming back because he has a new girlfriend and a divorce is pending — Miles retreats into his dad’s ‘man cave’ in the basement to have some space and play online video games. One guy he plays with listens to Miles’ tale of rejection and guides him to a social media site for ‘incels’, a group of men who are sexually active but feel that women have no time for them, where others begin to turn Miles into a young man filled with rage toward the opposite sex, going to the extreme measure of smashing his face with a weight to alter his appearance, and becoming so unhinged at school that he’s kicked out of the Debate Club (which he blames on his sister). His rage comes to a boil on the night of the Homecoming which leads him down a dangerous and tragic path after finding his father’s gun. Can Miles be saved before he harms himself or anyone else?
Dateless to Dangerous: My Son’s Secret Life is a harrowing story that unfortunately has a basis in real life. This may be one of, if not the first TV movies to tackle the topic of ‘incels’, a word that seems to have become more prominent over the last couple of years as men — prominently straight, white men — feel their masculinity has been diminished by a ‘female-controlled’ world. This perfectly illustrates what has been dubbed ‘toxic masculinity’, and the notion has been drummed into the heads of men through social media, conservative TV outlets like Fox News, and even high-profile actors like Anthony Mackie, the new Captain America. These are the kinds of people who want to go back to ‘the good old days’ when men were men and women were property. These are men whose ego have become so fragile — as evidenced by a man they look up to who always calls himself a ‘strongman’ but that is just a cover for his true weakness — that their only recourse is to become overly aggressive to assert their dominance over anyone who isn’t them.
Lifetime
In this movie, Miles is led down this path because of his social media use and the encouragement of his unseen gamer ‘friend’. One thing the movie fails to address, and this would have been a real point of information, is who exactly this gamer friend is. Is he an adult grooming Miles to become this rage-filled male, because the way he talks to Miles really seems like he is recruiting him into the incel collective through a specific social media site, where the members radicalize him into taking a violent stand to save his own masculinity. It’s bad enough that adults can be drawn into this, but persuading and grooming an army of young men to assume all women hate them and the only way to deal with that is through violence is quite terrifying. If nothing else, it makes the argument that social media use for minors should be heavily scrutinized by their parents.
The film itself is a bit of a slow burn with a very long fuse that leads to an explosive climax. The screenplay by Gary Entin & Edmund Entin and Caitlin English carefully takes its time to really develop the Miller family, showing the relationship between Miles and Haley as siblings, while mom Noelle has to work to make ends meet while dad is on the other side of the world enjoying life and draining the bank account. In trying to protect the kids from the truth — and Haley is more aware of what’s going on than Miles — she may have fostered a distrust of women in Miles (Haley doesn’t do them any favors when she shoves some social media posts of their dad on the beach with his girlfriend under Miles’ nose to get him to wake up to the situation). But because he was left out of the loop, he feels a sense of betrayal that is only amplified when Haley begins hanging out with Sam, and when both Sophia and Beatrice reject him. Miles is told that the women of the world are against him and there is only one way for him to regain his masculinity. The story carefully builds up to Miles’ explosive moment of rage which allows it to feel all the more realistic and frightening, leading to what feels like will be a tragic ending. Miles does wrestle with suicidal thoughts in the final moments, and thankfully the story does not take that shocking way out. Credit to the writers though for not making this a totally happy, everything’s fine a few months later ending. Miles does face consequences, and his family is torn apart by his actions — something his mother is not willing to let him forget as he undergoes therapy and de-radicalization (it’s not clear what happened after the Homecoming incident, so Miles is either in juvenile detention or under medical care in the epilogue scene six months later). The writers give the film a realistic ending in which the Miller family will need time to heal and forgive each other and themselves. It’s certainly not the feel-good movie of the year, but there is a glimmer of hope at the end.
The cast is outstanding. Sweetin proves that there is more to her than what we usually see on Hallmark. Her Noelle is a totally grounded mother doing the best she can to protect her kids, but acknowledging that she isn’t perfect. Her delivery of the dialogue is authentic. She clearly has the weight of the world on her shoulders knowing she’s having trouble making ends meet because of her soon-to-be ex-husband’s monetary shenanigans. She knows she has a legal career ahead of her but she’s had to put that on the back burner to support her family. She feels like a real mom who sees her son, who was her best friend before puberty hit, slipping away, with a feeling of powerlessness informing the character as the story moves along. She finally gets a moment to unload some of her feelings on the Debate Team coach at the competition in a scene that also feels real. The terror Noelle feels in the climax and the anger she harbors in the epilogue are palpable. Emmys and Golden Globes often overlook Lifetime movies for consideration, but Sweetin’s performance should be recognized for its authenticity and power.
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Alexander Elliot is also excellent as Miles. He plays the high school teenager as naturally as a real high school student. He totally looks the part, even though he is a few years older than a teen in real life. Elliot conveys that trepidation that comes with asking a girl out, the dejection when she turns him down, but he tries to not let it bother him too much, and he’s got his friend Sam to prop him up. (Even his sister is there for encouragement.) But Elliot gives a nicely measured performance as Miles’ insecurities and rage begin to boil within him and when he explodes it is scary and realistic. It is a fantastic performance also worthy of some awards attention. Nikki Roumel also stands out as Haley although it was a little hard to believe she was Miles’ younger sister (she is four years older in real life than Elliot) just because she projected more maturity in her performance. Still, she’s really good as Haley, always trying to give her brother the support he needs, trying to build his confidence when he needs it most. Sweetin, Elliot and Roumel all work well together as a convincing family unit.
Also doing some good work are Kolton Stewart as Sam and Husein Madhavji as Mr. K, the Debate Club teacher. Madhavji makes Mr. K a compassionate adult who really likes Miles, but also sees a turn in his personality that forces him to take action when Miles begins to frighten his fellow students. Stewart plays Sam as a great best friend, but he’s also a young man with more confidence and is secure in his masculinity, and that pushes Miles’ buttons even more especially when his sister is involved. Shechinah Mpumlwana also gives Beatrice a nice personality, someone who clearly likes Miles as a friend, classmate and teammate. Had Miles not misinterpreted her friendship for something more, they might have actually grown to like each other in a more romantic way. Mpumlwana does have a nice moment with Mr. K when she asks him to shuffle the team members without making it obvious she doesn’t want to be on a team with Miles any longer (and this comes after he nearly punched her in the face). Even though she was fearful of Miles, she was still compassionate toward him (but Miles knew she was behind the sudden decision to shake things up which only shortened his fuse).
Director Stefan Brogren does a nice job of keeping the slow moving story interesting, building up the dynamic between the Millers, guiding Elliot through his growing rage, working with cinematographer Justin Yaroski to give the home and school scenes a warm golden tone to the image, while keeping the ‘man cave’ scenes dark and cold blue. The film just has very high quality production values that make it all feel authentic, with a collection of actors who give natural performances to ground the story in reality. It is quite harrowing to go on this journey with Miles, but it is an issue that exists in the real world and if this TV movie is the first step toward recognizing that, it’s a good first step. And perhaps after an initial viewing, parents may want to sit down with their teen children and have discussions about the story afterwards.
For emergency counseling support, please call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. For more information on Mental Health Support visit jedfoundation.org.
Dateless to Dangerous: My Son’s Secret Life has a run time of 1 hour 28 minutes, and is rated TV-14.
Dateless to Dangerous: My Son’s Secret Life | Official Trailer
Lifetime