Lifetime
The Lifetime network’s original movies are generally the polar opposite of what you get from Hallmark. Instead of light romantic comedies, Lifetime’s films are overly dramatic, usually involving infidelity, stalking or murder, often billed as ‘Ripped from the Headlines’. They occasionally get a name star but they don’t have the stable of regulars you see on Hallmark. Their latest dramatic thriller, Held Hostage In My House, surprises with a cast that includes Amy Smart, Matthew Davis, Billy Zane and Ne-Yo. One would assume the network broke the budget to bring in these big names but … the film was actually an acquisition. And the film’s original title was Blunt, and was presumably produced for a Netflix or Hulu release that never came. You won’t have to wonder why after watching the movie.
The plot, such as it is, focuses on Dawn Van Brocklin (Smart), a single mother who has taken to renting out her home to strangers. She Airbnb’s the crap out of the place which she calls the ‘Chalet in the Country’ to help make ends meet to support herself and her son Charlie while she also pursues her career as an artist, just waiting for her big break. Her ex Matt (Davis) isn’t thrilled about her rental situation, telling Dawn that he’s going to seek full custody of Charlie because of some ‘dangerous’ situation that happened at the house with one of her renters (oh, if he only knew). We get all of this information in flashbacks because as the movie opens, Dawn is tied to her bed, trying to figure out who could have bashed her in the head with a rock and put her in this situation. Was it the Russian-sounding woman who was apparently using the house for a prostitution ring — which Dawn busted by calling the cops? Was it the man who rented the house as a getaway for him and his male lover only to almost be found out by his wife, blaming Dawn for not keeping him safe? Was it the swinger whose wife and their girlfriend rented the house for some role play … and invited Dawn to join in? Was it her agent looking to kill her off and reap the rewards of selling her art after her death? Was it her ex, who unbeknownst to her got a phone call telling him she was going to fight for custody and told the person on the other end it was time for Plan B? Who the hell knows, because the actual culprit makes absolutely zero sense.
Writer and director Anna Elizabeth James apparently had a breakout hit on Netflix with 2021’s Deadly Illusions, but a close inspection of the reviews on IMDb tells a different story, calling the film just as inept as this one. Now I applaud James for being a woman in the filmmaking industry and actually getting movies produced but you can only go so far if they’re going to earn a plethora of terrible reviews that are more entertaining thaN her films. James’ bio states she holds an MFA degree from USC’s School of Cinematic Arts but I have to question just what an MFA is, because there are no actual writing skills on display in this movie. I hate to be harsh and negative, but Held Hostage In My House is two hours of my life I’ll never get back. Plus I know people who have made really good and well-reviewed indie movies who can’t get funding, so it’s just crazy that someone with a string of poorly reviewed and made films can somehow spin them into hits. Life just isn’t fair. I won’t go so far as to say the direction is bad, because it’s at least serviceable. Everything is lit well and there are some good angles but aside from some disorienting editing there isn’t anything special. The writing however makes it seem like James has never seen a mystery-thriller, even though her other films seem to be in the same genre. Of course most mysteries have a red herring to throw you off of who the real culprit is, but this movie has enough herrings to feed a family of twelve while the reveal comes so far out of left field you’ll be yelling at the TV … and wondering what the hell Matt’s Plan B was. And usually if you’re going to go through the trouble of kidnapping someone and holding them hostage … you might want to, oh I don’t know, be there with them to, say, contact a loved one or a friend with some kind of demands, not just leave them there to starve to death (and the fact that Dawn doesn’t soil the sheets after several days alone in that bed is … a welcome oversight from reality). And … why are fire ants introduced into the story and why are there two pieces of peach pie on the table in Dawn’s bedroom? Yeah, she makes a pie before her hostage sitch but there’s no reason for her to have brought them into the bedroom … for the fire ants to come in and eat (and how did they get in?) and potentially make their way over to Dawn. (One or two eventually do but they aren’t the threat James wants us to think they are.) Everything in this script is horribly inept, but at least the real artist OF Dawn’s Paintings got a credit at the end.
Speaking of credits, the main cast really should wipe this from their IMDb pages. Amy Smart, perhaps tired of playing nice girls and somewhat clueless moms (Stargirl), probably wanted to sink her teeth into something juicy and dramatic and she does a great job of making you sympathize with Dawn, and it is satisfying when she gets to turn the tables in the final scene even if it makes not a lick of sense. Matt Davis does come off as someone we can believe is responsible, and Greer Grammer also plays her role so that you’re not sure if she’s in on Plans A or B, and has a moment later in the film in which she totally seems like she is in on it (although whoever did her clownish makeup for that scene should be reprimanded harshly). Harrison Fox is actually a good child actor and makes you feel his distress at being stuck on a camping trip with his dad while worried that his mom isn’t returning his calls. Billy Zane and his fright wig bring a little comic relief to the proceedings, but none of it is even close enough to make Held Hostage In My House remotely watchable.
One can only hope that Lifetime didn’t spend too much money to acquire this film.
Held Hostage In My House has a run time of about 1 hour 27. minutes, and is rated TV-14.
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