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There was a heck of a lot going on in this week’s Riverdale, throwing a couple of new storylines at us while seeming to have quickly, and a bit ridiculously, wrapped up The Farm storyline (more about that ridiculous part in a moment). Anyone who has followed the Archie Comics knows that the Riverdale in that universe is a charming small town where anyone would want to live. The TV version of the town started out like that, but it has certain grown darker and darker with Jason Blossom’s murder, the Black Hood serial killer, The Gargoyle King, Hiram Lodge, Penelope Blossom’s House of Ill Repute, and Jingle Jangle to name a few. And now this week we learn that it’s a hotbed of illicit drug dealing (though not Jingle Jangle apparently) that puts the life of Mad Dog’s little brother in jeopardy, and pushes Mary to book a flight back to the ‘safety’ of Chicago … with Archie in tow.
But Archie is actually concerned about the welfare of Riverdale, and when Mad Dog tells him about the threat his brother faces, Archie is ready to turn the gym into a community center, a safe place away from the arcade where kids are recruited to deal drugs. But … that will come with a price, specifically $40,000 to have a second rest room installed. Of course Veronica is happy to lend Archie the money, but he’s too proud to accept another handout. The idea of a bake sale comes up but Ronnie goes on better and organizes a beefcake car wash at Pop’s with all the high school boys washing cars topless (oddly, Kevin/Casey Cott is just as built as any of the other ‘straight’ guys but he was not included in the beefcake parade). After earning a grand total of four … hundred dollars, Ronniw suggests the boys do a ‘Magic Mike’ show at her club. Or perhaps even ‘The Full Monty’. Okay, put on the brakes … while the actors are not exactly high school age, the characters are seniors so do an all-male, all-nude strip show would be a bit … illegal. This takes me back to the Gossip Girl days of head-spinning alcohol consumption and clubbing by underage kids. And no one batted an eye (oh, wait, they do that here as well). At least Archie and the boys thought better of baring it all. Veronica implored Mary to take her check as an investment in Archie, not the community center, and Mary accepted, even offering to help Archie run things by staying in Riverdale and helping get the place set up as a legal non-profit organization. Fred would be proud.
Veronica, meanwhile, is wrestling with her family name, feeling that Lodge is going to hold her back. She considers using her mother’s maiden name, Gomez, but still isn’t sure. And then one night she comes home and Hiram is sitting at his desk. He tells Ronnie he owns the prison so he can come and go as he likes, so don’t bother changing the locks. He’s not happy she wants to ditch the Lodge name and tells her the story of Jaime Luna, a boy whose father hated that his son wanted to change his name, to the point of physically abusing the boy. Of course that boy was Hiram, and now he understands his father’s rage, hoping to instill some fear into Veronica. She later visits him in jail to tell him she has decided to go through with it, adopting the name … Luna. And she will be changing the locks.
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Jughead is getting fully immersed at Stonewall Prep and is thrilled to learn that Moose is his roommate! Well, he’s Marmaduke now, having started a new life after everything that happened in Riverdale. Jughead is cool with keeping their friendship on the down low. But he’s got bigger things to worry about, namely the cult-like behavior at the school and one Bret Weston Wallis (a thinly veiled knock on author Bret Easton Ellis) who thinks he owns the place and everyone in it. When Jughead dares to criticize one of Bret’s stories, he launches into an uncalled for verbal attack on Juggie and his family. Jughead is warned by another student that Wallis is the son of a diplomat and he behaves as if diplomatic immunity will cover any of his actions which, she warns, will not be physical. Bret goes for the mental torture. But when the class is given an assignment, Bret again verbally attacks Jughead, and Juggie lets him have it, nearly getting physical but laying a few harsh words on his classmate that seems to have really shaken him up. Unfortunately, Jughead’s reaction causes Bret to lash out, not just at Jughead but at Moose as well, destroying everything he’s worked so hard to contain. This obviously is not going to end well … could the result be what we’ve already foreseen from the spring break flash forwards?
Cheryl and Toni are concerned about Nana’s mental state, apparently suffering a bit from ‘sundowning’, a symptom of Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. They find her one night gazing into the fireplace, after hearing what they thing is her scratching her nails along the wall, saying she can see the triplets falling into the fire, and then she calls Cheryl ‘Penelope’. Cheryl gently reminds her of her name and tells her the twins are asleep in their room. Toni thinks it’s time to get Nana a caretaker, but Cheryl is against bringing a stranger into their home. What she doesn’t say is because she has a dead body in the basement chapel. But Toni does anyway, and warns him not to go into the basement. But he does because he’s seen evidence of rats in the house. He didn’t find Jason, but someone (or some thing) has because his chair has been moved. After firing the guy for disobeying her orders, Cheryl pays a visit to Jason and … a rat pops out of his shirt. So that is what caused the body to move. Cheryl gathers herself and sets about to stitching her dead brother up when Toni walks in. Cheryl, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do.
It turns out Kevin’s intel on The Farm has yielded some payoff and Charles has sent an FBI officer undercover to the hotel as a pizza delivery guy. As he and Betty listen in, they hear Evelyn say he’s not their regular guy and then a struggle, screams and gunshots. Edgar gets on the mic and warns them to not pull a stunt like that again or they’ll have more blood on their hands. Later, Edgar calls Betty from Alice’s phone and tells her he wants $250,000 and a bus to get all of his Farmies out of town, in exchange for Alice. The FBI nor the governor will negotiate with someone holding hostages and he tells Betty and Charles that he’s already released one. Standing behind them is Polly. With a bomb strapped to her and a ticking timer. Betty cuts the wrong wire and speeds up the timer but is able to use a hair pin to jam the trigger, stopping the clock at two seconds (someone on the writing staff has seen Galaxy Quest).
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Betty takes it upon herself to meet Edgar’s demands without telling anyone why. Veronica gives her Hermione’s Glamorgé Eggs which are worth $50,000 a piece (and ther just so happens to be five), she gets the necessary food and supplies, and manages to ‘borrow’ a school bus. She takes it all to the hotel and promptly gets knocked out by Evelyn. Betty wakes up in a room with her mother, both tied to chairs and Alice reveals Edgar’s plan: Evelyn will drive the bus full of Farmies over a cliff with Alice and Betty strapped to the front as shields while Edgar blasts himself off into space. Wait what? Yes, in some new development, Edgar has built himself a rocket. This is where it gets a bit ridiculous. But Betty and Alice free themselves, knock out Evelyn — payback’s a bitch — and wrangle the Farmies onto the bus so Betty can drive them to safety while Alice goes to confront Edgar. Betty finds Principal Weatherbee among the group, minus a finger as Edgar started cutting fingers off until he found out who the mole was, and then Fangs almost exposes Betty but she punches him in the face before he can say anything and gets him on the bus.
Alice goes to the top of the hotel and finds Edgar and his rocket, Edgar dressed in a ridiculous red, white and blue jumpsuit similar to the one Evel Knievel wore (did had Michael Murray lose a bet or piss off someone?), his rocket similar to the failed rocket Knievel attempted to use to jump across the Grand Canyon. Alice attempts to stop Edgar by holding a gun on him, but she doesn’t know he has one tucked into the back of his belt. As he approaches Alice and pulls out his gun, Betty hears the shots and runs to the roof. Edgar is dead, Alice is safe and presumably all of the Farmies will get some deprogramming. Back at home with Jughead, Betty is happy the ‘nightmare is over’ and then … the doorbell rings. Opening the door, Jughead finds a bag on the doorstep, a VHS videotape inside. A new nightmare is about to begin. Maybe Mary Andrews had the right idea all along.
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