Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
I grew up watching classic romantic comedies … they were practically my bread and butter for many lonely adolescent years spent watching the charming Clark Gables of the world fall in love with the effervescent Doris Days of the world. As such, I can appreciate a truly great “meet cute” (that is a unique circumstance in which boy meets girl and the two overcome some kind of obstacle or false pretenses only to eventually be brought back together romantically by the end of the film). The Warner Archive Collection graciously indulges my rom-com habit on occasion. This time around, they sent me a copy of 1951’s Too Young to Kiss, with Van Johnson and June Allyson, to review. It features one of the strangest meet cutes I’ve ever seen, and I’m not quite sure how I feel about it yet. But it seems like a perfect one to analyze just in time for Father’s Day!
Eric Wainwright (Johnson) is an impresario who’s always on the brink of discovering the next big thing in the world of concert and operatic singers, pianists and the like. So many aspiring people want just a minute of his time that he regularly turns them away in droves. One such person who’s repeatedly turned away by him is Cynthia Potter (Allyson), a 20-something-year-old pianist who dreams of stardom and playing her own sold-out concert in a grand hall. However, Wainwright won’t see her. I’m not exactly sure what the criteria are to see him. He seems to be a bit of a ladies’ man, wooing several pretty 20-somethings who may or may not possess unequaled talent. He also sees people who quite frankly bore him, but maybe they had better “inside connections” than Cynthia. There’s a humorous scene in which he watches a ballgame on a television monitor sneakily installed beneath his desk while supposedly watching a man audition.
After much frustration, a beyond desperate Cynthia hatches an odd plan to be seen by Wainwright. It turns out he will be auditioning children for a children’s music tour that evening. She decides to pretend to be a 14-year-old child prodigy to get an audition with him. She dresses herself to look younger by donning a grotesque Shirley Temple-esque outfit resplendent with a too-short skirt, a buttoned pea coat, a hat, ribbons in her hair and even a retainer to make it look like she has braces on her teeth. I’m not sure if that’s really how a 14-year-old girl would have dressed in 1951, but it screamed to me that she was trying too hard to make that “little schoolgirl” image work. She even invents a slight lisp to how she talks in order to come across as more “adorable.” Naturally, as “Molly Potter” she blows away all the other children during the auditions largely due to the fact that she’s not really a child and has spent years honing her skills for this very moment. Wainwright is immediately taken by her talent and the idea that he could market her and take her under his full protective wing.
“Molly” tells Wainwright that she lives with her older sister, Cynthia, who’s also an aspiring pianist. When Wainwright goes to meet with Cynthia (it’s really Cynthia but without the 14-year-old garb) to discuss Molly’s contract, the two immediately take a disliking to each other. He accuses her of being jealous of her younger sister’s talent and of trying to hold her back from reaching her full potential when she insists that she doesn’t want to sign Molly’s contract for the music tour. I’m not sure what Cynthia imagined would happen – I think she thought that once Wainwright came up to her apartment and heard her playing the piano that he would realize her talent and forget all about her 14-year-old other self. However, this is clearly not what happens. Wainwright is a bit of a bully and he doesn’t leave until he gets what he wants – and that’s Molly. This is where the film’s plot begins to get a little disturbing.
Cynthia is engaged to Gig Young, who plays a newspaper reporter named John Tirsen. She lets him in on the gag, but he occasionally pops up to check on her while she’s with Wainwright. Wainwright thinks he’s Cynthia’s fiancé. While out at a restaurant, Wainwright returns to the table to find “Uncle Johnny” has allowed Molly to smoke and drink alcohol while he was away. He promptly punches out Uncle Johnny and carts off Molly to his home in the country where he can protect her from the evil influences of her sister and her fiancé. I’m not even sure how this was legal, even if it was 1951! I guess it’s presumed Molly is safe with her mentor and his housekeeper while she prepares for the upcoming concert. Every time they check in with Cynthia or John, Wainwright is met with the idea that neither really cares for the well-being of the child.
Van Johnson and June Allyson have an undeniable chemistry. tweet
At first, Wainwright is annoyed by Molly. She’s seen as a brat who interferes with his plans of wooing the ladies on an international playing field, and in order to set a better example for her, she costs him all of his liquor and cigarettes, which are dumped into his swimming pool. There are several instances in which he is forced to discipline her by spanking her. However, over time, he becomes quite fond of Molly and even thinks about adopting her in order to “save” her from her evil sister. Are you at all creeped out yet? Because maybe you should be. Cynthia starts to fall in love with him as she sees his softer, paternal side coming out more and more. Wainwright seems to mature a lot in the course of five weeks, just as Molly does in his eyes – he sees her as a talented young woman who’s able to converse on many topics beyond her years. However, when Molly finally kisses Wainwright on the lips towards the end, you can see the uncomfortableness and almost tormented, conflicted feelings cross his face. Johnson and Allyson have an undeniable chemistry – it’s no wonder they appeared in several films together. However, I would like to see them paired under more normal circumstances next time.
I’m told this film features a similar plot to the 1942 classic The Major and the Minor with Ginger Rogers and Ray Milland, though I’m not familiar with that one. It reminded me of the 1999 film Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore and Michael Vartan, in which Barrymore pretends to be a high school student to get a newspaper exposé and ends up falling in love with her English teacher. While I always found that film adorable, I think I was more disturbed by this one because of the bigger age gap involved, the fact that the man is more of a father figure in this one and maybe because news reports of teachers bothering their students seem to be more commonplace and sad these days. By the end of the film, John exposes the truth about Cynthia’s age and suggests that Wainwright is corrupt in a front-page newspaper article. Wainwright feels like a fool, but Cynthia/Molly is still allowed to play her concert, which seems to be met by rave reviews despite the controversy. An embarrassed/brokenhearted Cynthia decides to run away to elope with John, but Wainwright cuts them off at the train and professes his love to her just in time for the final scene. Boy gets girl after all, now that he’s figured out girl is really within his peer group and is incredibly talented, beautiful and a perfect match for him.
But I ask, what kind of a story is that to tell your kids and grandkids some day? “Well, Daddy realized he wasn’t really a pedophile and it was perfectly okay to have these feelings for Mommy.” Imagine that conversation! If you can accept the plot for what it is, Too Young to Kiss is parts funny and nostalgic. Van Johnson is as handsome as ever, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still attracted to him despite the weird meet cute involved. June Allyson and Gig Young are also enjoyable in their roles, and look for another of my favorites, Hans Conried, in the children’s tour audition scene. Too Young to Kiss is enough of a train wreck that it shouldn’t be missed.
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