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Riverdale has long been known to cram as many different storylines into an episode as it could, usually giving the four main characters their own stories, or pairing at least two of them up for one plotline, but in general it’s been rare that all of the characters have been involved in a single story in a single episode. This week’s episode was a revelation as writers Aaron Allen and Chrissy Maroon have skillfully crafted a tale in which the entire town is focused on a singular event — The Miss Teen Riverdale Pageant. And in doing so, they have put all of the female characters front and center, leaving the boys to not really be a part of things until the broadcast of the pageant. Allen and Maroon have also, finally, given Ethel Muggs the story she deserves, while also showing Alice Cooper as a more complicated character than she has seemed since the series jumped back to 1955. I have to say this is probably one of my Top 5 episodes of the entire series.
Things start out innocuously enough as it is once again time for the annual Miss Teen Riverdale Pageant, but this year is different as the show will be broadcast live nationwide from the RIVW studios. (We’ll just overlook the fact that in the real world some local high school beauty pageant would never get that kind of television platform, but this is Riverdale after all.) Of course the pageant is under the purview of Alice, and the whole idea of such a pageant practically makes Betty break out in hives. When she asks her mother, who has pressed Ethel into service as her assistant, if she expects Betty to compete, Alice pointedly tells her that she does not want her to compete because she doesn’t want Betty to use the pageant to make some kind of feminist statement and drag the whole thing down around them. Betty assures her she has no plans to do that, but Alice does entice her with the fact that this year, because of the national broadcast, there will be prizes like a new car and a college scholarship. Betty doesn’t even have a driver’s license, but the scholarship is a carrot dangling before her. Alice tells her she has no reason to worry about a scholarship because her grades will get her into any college she wants but she should stay close to home, however Betty may see this as her chance to escape Riverdale and her mother. Betty decides to enter despite her mother (and maybe because Veronica, Cheryl, Toni and Midge convinced her it would be the right thing to do … even Evelyn is entering).
During a class on poise, Ethel stood in the corner and daydreamed about what it would be like to be in the pageant and to win. In her fantasy, her dead parents were there cheering her on. Alice informed her that her self-portrait would be hanging in the Guggenheim. Jughead was her boyfriend … but Alice quickly snapped her back to the real world as it was time to take the contestants to Mary Andrews’ dress shop to be fitted for their gowns. That only caused two problems — Betty took note that Ethel was weeping while pinning the hem on her gown, but Ethel said it was nothing and promised to not get tears on the gown. An even bigger problem was Midge, or rather her stomach which caused her gown to be a bit tighter than expected. It seemed that Mary had an idea of what was going on, and Alice certainly did, summoning Midge to Pop’s to have a chat. And before anyone could blink, Midge was out of the pageant and packed off to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy.
Alice explained to the girls that Midge was out of the pageant and when they saw her in six or seven months, she’d be a new person, better than ever. That very specific timeline made everyone but Betty come to the conclusion that Midge was indeed knocked up. Of course Cheryl and Toni already knew, and they know Fangs is the father but they don’t know if anyone else knows that little fact. And when they told Fangs, he wanted to go to the convent and rescue his girl but Toni and Cheryl advised him to keep his cool and they would work things out in a sensible manner. And Cheryl even managed to arrange a phone call for the couple that Fangs was able to receive at Pop’s later. But Midge’s sudden departure meant there was a space open in the pageant and Betty thought this was her chance to get Ethel entered. All of the other girls, except Evelyn of course, were totally on board with the plan. Why shouldn’t Ethel have a chance to compete? Alice, however, would not even entertain the idea. Betty said it would do wonders to improve Ethel’s life because of all she’s been through, especially if she won and got that scholarship. Alice snapped back that the pageant isn’t a charity, and Ethel does not represent the ideal Riverdale teen.
This steamed Betty and when she told Veronica and the others they came up with a plan to go around Alice and pile on Hal, knowing he would back down to their demands … especially if they threatened to quit before the show aired which would cost him a lot of money in advertising which had already completely sold out. Hal had no choice but to give in and when he told Alice she raged at him for always undermining her, especially when she had given up so much to be his wife. Alice had revealed to Betty earlier that her dream was to be a stewardess and travel the world, but she gave it up to be wife, then she had Polly and then Betty (but apparently Charles doesn’t exist in this version of Riverdale). So Alice has obviously carried a lot of resentment on her shoulders that we are now seeing coming to the forefront, and it also helps explain some of her character issues, why she has been so harsh with her kids, driving Polly away and nearly doing the same to Betty, why she is so driven to be a success with RIVW. Overhearing the screaming match while getting ready in Betty’s room, Ethel wondered if they were fighting about her but Betty assured her it was just nerves before the live show. The girls also gave Hal one other demand to guarantee their participation — no swimsuit contest. With two of the judges being from school — Featherhead and Werthers — and the other being Clifford Blossom, the girls thought that was just a little too icky. Of course, Alice assumed this was just another of Betty’s attempts to destroy the pageant.
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As the pageant was being broadcast, all of the boys gathered at Pop’s to watch. Apparently he has the only TV in town. They whooped and hollered for each of the contestants and were impressed with Veronica’s tightrope walking talents and Betty’s moving reading the Gettysburg Address (neither of which we got to see). Unfortunately we didn’t get to see or hear about Toni, Cheryl or Evelyn’s talents, but then it was Ethel’s turn. At the house Betty asked her if she’d settled on a song and Ethel showed her the sheet music. When it was her turn to perform, Hal mentioned that it was an original song, ‘Who Will Love Me As I Am?’, and while she was nervous getting started, Ethel launched into that song, pouring all of her heart and emotion into the performance (and with a great, powerful voice) that had the audience and the judges mesmerized. The boys at the diner were dumbfounded, with Reggie saying, ‘I think I’m in love.’ In the studio, the girls watched with joy from the wings, Kevin — who had performed a song earlier — watched from the opposite side, beaming and shedding some tears at the same time, but it was Alice who surprised with her reaction, visibly moved to tears by Ethel’s heartfelt performance, maybe hearing something in the song that resonated with her own lot in life. The judges even looked at each other in disbelief as to say ‘are we really going to crown this girl the winner?’
Then it was time for the big announcement and Hal welcomed Alice to the stage, a former Miss Teen Riverdale herself. As Hal opened the envelope, he let Alice announce the winner and she stunned everyone when she said Ethel Muggs. Everyone but sourpuss Evelyn was thrilled, and Hal looked confused but Alice whispered to him that it was live television so go with it. After the pageant, Betty saw her mother sitting alone at the dining room table, sensing something was wrong. Was she angry that Ethel won? Alice snapped at her that she thinks she knows everything, and told Betty to read the card in the envelope. Betty saw … her own name. Betty was the true winner, but for some reason Alice decided that Ethel was going to get the crown and the prizes. (She probably had to make a lot of threats to Hal and the judges to keep their traps shut.) Betty wasn’t upset, but she wasn’t sure of her mother’s motives — did she do it because she really wanted to help Ethel, or did she just not want Betty to win out of spite? Alice said they’d never know, would they, but she seemed to hint that it was more against Betty than it was for Ethel. Either way, Betty said it demonstrated that deep down inside, Alice actually is a good person and she loves her. That sent Alice into another round of tears. Could this one event, this acknowledgement from Betty be the thing that tears down Alice’s walls? Betty went back to her room and started going through all of her Girl Next Door mail to start responding to the questions. Did she know the writers of those letters were her friends with comically, thinly-veiled names: Monica Posh, Sandy Sapphire, Coral Peatbottom, Bitsy Block, Carrie Carryon, Edith Cupp — assuring them that they are not alone in the world, and there is a hope for a better tomorrow, ‘we girls are that hope.’
I have to reiterate again just how well written this episode was, never heavy-handed with its message of female empowerment (not to mention racism and homophobia), giving Ethel a real chance to shine, and bringing so much more depth to Alice. And brava to Shannon Purser for her raw performance, making Ethel more than just the weird sidekick she is in the comics. And Mädchen Amick … what can I say? She has always been a strong presence on the show — probably why she’s the one actor playing a parent who has lasted as a regular for all seven seasons — but her performance this week was ferocious, showing us the veneer Alice puts on in public, particularly as she put the girls through their training for the pageant, showing us her anger when being cornered about putting Ethel in the pageant, her inner evil as she calmly interrogated Midge, that rage when she was betrayed by Hal, the emotion while Ethel sang, and her range of emotions while having it out with Betty at the end. It’s a shame the Emmy Awards don’t consider shows like Riverdale as ‘worthy’ of an award — or even a nomination — because Amick, Purser, Allen and Maroon are all award-worthy this week. And Lili Reinhart also had to do some heavy lifting as well, and is always overlooked for her work. I doubt anything in this episode will change attitudes, but if I had anything to say about it they would all be getting some very public recognition for their work. And if you liked Ethel’s song, you can get a digital copy at iTunes through the link below!
This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the series being covered here wouldn’t exist.
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 9:00 PM.
What did you think of this episode? Let us know in the comments section below.
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