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The creatives at Riverdale are really going all out in this final season, truly embracing the Archie gang’s comic book roots by whisking (almost) everyone back to 1955 (the actual Archie comics debuted in 1941 but the visual aesthetic that the comics became known for wasn’t established until the 1950s so the setting make sense), but the 1950s comic books weren’t all just Archie & friends and superheroes. The era saw the rise of EC Comics which leaned heavily into horror with violent content and graphic covers (the show’s Pep Comics is the stand-in for EC) which led to the infamous book Seduction of the Innocents, that railed against the evils of the comic book industry and how these horrific stories contributed to the downfall of the ‘all-American teenager’ (and we can still see this fear-mongering still going on today with violent acts in this country blamed on all types of media). It was all a bunch of rubbish — as it is today — but people who want to seize power and bend others to their will have learned that fomenting fear is the easiest way to do that. And that seems to be exactly what Mayor Clifford Blossom, Principal Featherhead and school superintendent Dr. Freiderich Werthers are planning to do with the citizens of Riverdale. Werthers doesn’t want Sheriff Keller to investigate the murder of Ethel Muggs’ parents, he wants to use the horror comics as a scapegoat. But what is the endgame here?
While all of this is going on in the shadows of Thorn Hill, Jughead is blissfully unaware of the danger coming his way, popping in to the publisher’s office to see if he has any work for him. In fact, Mr. Fieldstone does have something for Jughead to do as the entire staff is out with a stomach bug (except for himself and Bernie Burstein). Fieldstone needs a full issue with four seven-page stories … in 24 hours. If Jughead can pull it off, and if Fieldstone is satisfied with the work, Juggie could find himself employed full time with Pep Comics. Taking a look through Fieldstone’s cards of ideas — one card simply says ‘man, woman, cult, rocket’ (hmmm, that plot sounds very familiar) — Jughead tells Bernie that he needs original ideas. With the main buyers of the comics being teenagers, why not create stories that reflect that demographic? Jughead sees this as a stroke of genius and Bernie tells him to run with it. Off he goes to his train car, and as he is finishing the first story Veronica arrives to see if he wants to go to the movies to see the new French thriller Diabolique, because she knows Jughead is not afraid of subtitles. With his deadline, he has to turn her down but Ronnie is actually excited to lend an ear and offer advice as Jughead goes through his creative process. From there, the rest of the episode becomes the Riverdale version of the classic horror film Creepshow as Jughead introduces his narrator character the Key-Keeper, a custodian at the high school who knows everyone’s business. (The obvious dubbing of the Key-Keeper’s voice was a little distracting.) With Ronnie fully invested, Jughead reads her the first story.
Keep Your Head in the Game
Forget about changing names to protect the innocent — and prevent a lawsuit — this first story focuses on the school’s basketball team and one poor player by the name of Dilton Doily (now played by Daniel Yang instead of Major Curda, although Yang played Dilton in the series’ very first episode), who can’t sink a basket for the life of him. Or his teammates. The coach forces the rest of the team to do laps back and forth in the gym until Dilton sinks a basket, which does not help him win over any of his classmates. In the lockeroom, Julian Blossom takes out his frustration with Doily’s poor shotting skills on the boy by stuffing him in a locker … overnight! Archie isn’t sure that’s a good idea, but he does nothing to stop it. As the Key-Keeper tells us, Dilton has a pathological case of claustrophobia, and when a janitor frees him the next morning, Dilton is a changed person. As is typical with the horror comics, there is a gruesome twist as Dilton takes a fire axe and then hides again in the locker. Later the coach finds a blood splattered Dilton in the gym, telling himself over and over to keep his head in the game as he tries to sink a basket … with Julian’s head! The coach then sees the rest of the headless team sitting on a bench, their heads lined up on a rack for Dilton to keep practicing with.
Impressed with the first story, Veronica wants to know what else Jughead has up his sleeve and he mentions that in these stories of punishment, lustful sex is often a catalyst for a horrific ending. ‘Lustful sex’ piques her interest and Jughead begins to work on his second story …
Love You To Pieces
It’s a dark and stormy night, and young Archie Andrews’s jalopy has gotten a flat in the middle of nowhere. He seeks refuge from the downpour at a large mansion — Thorn Hill — where he is greeted by Rose Blossom (Welcome back, Nana!). She at first offers to let him make a call to the garage but at that hour there will be no one to answer so she finally agrees to allow the strapping young man to spend the night. Over a cup of hot tea, Rose tells Archie that he is more than welcome to stay but he has to follow the ground rules: he must keep the guest bedroom door locked once he enters, and he cannot under any circumstances leave the room during the night. Archie spies a painting of a beautiful young woman, and Rose tells him that’s her granddaughter Cheryl, who also lives in the mansion but … she’s got some issues. Archie seems only mildly concerned that there could be a dangerously crazy person in the house because her looks outweigh any danger there might be. Preparing for bed, Archie purposely leaves his door ajar, and at some point much later he is awakened by the voice of the girl in the painting. Eager to get down to business, especially after she tells him it’s been so long since she’s touched anyone, he wants to turn on the lights to get a better look. Cheryl tells him that what they are about to do is better left in the dark. The next morning, a jubilant Archie tells Rose that he had an excellent night. He also says that he thinks he saw her granddaughter standing by the window and asks if she has some kind of mental illness. Rose tells of how Cheryl was once youthful and wanted a life of adventure, which Rose indulged, but while Cheryl was visiting some tropical jungle somewhere she contracted a rare form of … leprosy! Having been exposed in her youth, Rose was immune. Archie unfortunately was not and you can see his mind working overtime imagining various body parts falling off. Mercifully, Cheryl will die soon so that is why her grandmother does all she can to make sure Cheryl relishes her final days on earth. It was she who put those nails on the road that caused him to get a flat. But she did give him the chance to keep the door locked and be a good boy but now … he is almost certainly infected. As his mind races, Cheryl comes up behind him, her knarled hand grabbing him by the shoulder, assuring him that after last night, they will spend their lives together until … death do them part.
Veronica thought that story was grotesque and wondered what was the message. Stay away from creepy old ladies and their leprosy-ridden nymphomaniac granddaughters? Jughead said it was more of a ‘curiosity killed the cat’ moral, or don’t engage in heavy petting with someone in the dark without proper protection. Ronnie notes that she’s heard Archie and Cheryl broke up and they really did nothing but some heavy petting. Jughead says it’s hard to keep up with all the horny teens at Riverdale High. That’s what high school is for, Ronnie retorts, so boys can chase girls and vice versa. This makes a lightbulb go off for Jughead and his next story, saying that a girl will do anything to attract a boy. Not so under her breath, Veronica adds that includes feigning interest in comic books apparently.
The Beehive
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Young Betty Cooper is the school’s Miss Goody Two-Shoes, a ponytail blonde who never gets noticed by any of the boys, and her prospects of getting a date were very ‘grave’, so she followed the advice of her favorite beauty magazines and went to the salon to get a makeover. The stylist told her that a new hairstyle was all the rage in Europe — the Beehive. She’ll take Betty’s tired ponytail, add some extensions and swoop it all up into a hairdo the boys can’t resist. There’s just one catch: once it’s up, Betty can never take it down or wash it. She’ll even have to sleep with it. The only way to maintain the Beehive is with lots and lots of hairspray. Betty hesitates for a moment because her mother always told her to wash her hair every other day, or at least once a week, but the stylist said she is the professional, not her mother. Betty agrees to go through with it and ends up with a pile of hair a foot high. (When she goes to sleep she does commit the unforgivable sin of not wrapping her ‘do in paper towels, the traditional way to keep a Beehive intact.) Betty and her hair are a hit at school the next day, but Cheryl and Veronica remain unimpressed, basically calling her a poser and the boys will see right through the act. They’re wrong as Julian offers to carry her books and Archie asks her out on a date. Betty goes through her days, and several cans of hairspray, reaping the benefits of the Beehive. There is a nice comic book moment when she turns out the light in her bedroom, the room bathed in an electric blue light, a spiderweb cast on the wall to hint at things to come. Betty does go to Pop’s with Archie, but while they’re dancing to the jukebox she collapses and experiences some type of seizure, foaming at the mouth and dying. At the autopsy, Dr. Curdle Jr. has to use a bone saw to get through her helmet hair and makes a horrific discovery as hundreds of baby spiders emerge from her skull. It seems that while she slept, a black widow nested in her hair and when the eggs hatched they burrowed into her brain. According to the Key-Keeper, Betty learned her lesson the hard way, that beauty is only skin deep and vanity kills.
Veronica is confused. Are these separate lessons or variations on a theme. What’s wrong with wanting to look good? Boys do the same thing, tossing weights around to look like he-men. But, by her count, Jughead is down to his last story and she still hasn’t had a starring role. How about something romantic? Jughead’s idea is to turn the classic love triangle story on its head, a tale of female friendship where the girls aren’t at each other’s throats. Presenting the final tale …
My Better Half
Poor, dumb Archie Andrews can’t make a decision, not even with a multiple choice test. Not even with a girl. Archie is juggling two girls, seeing Betty Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and Veronica Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. He keeps Sunday for himself to recharge for the week ahead. Both girls know he’s dating the other and want to know when he’s going to make a choice. Archie says he can’t do that but not to worry because, as tells both of them, ‘you’re my favorite’. His teammates in the locker room are impressed with his skills and Julian wants Archie to spill his secrets. He tells them it call comes down to those three words, ‘you’re my favorite’, to which Dilton points out is actually four words since ‘you’re’ is a contraction therefore it’s ‘you are my favorite’. That and a lot of coffee get him through the week. Everything seemed to be in Archie’s favor going up to graduation but there was one obstacle — Valentine’s Day which fell on … Sunday. As Betty and Veronica shared some hostile words in the girls rest room about who Archie would be with on V Day, Cheryl said it sounded like they were being played. Realizing this might be true, they both approached him to ask who he would be with and he said … his mother. It’s her first Valentine’s Day without Fred so he’s going to help make the day easier for her. Both girls feel like heels at this point and totally understand where he’s coming from, so on the big day they decide to spend the night having dinner together at Pop’s. And then Betty sees Archie come in with … Cheryl. Realizing they were played, Betty comes up with a plan to make sure no one else will share Archie with them. The next day at school, both girls tell Archie they are prepared to date him together, as a threesome, and they want to get things started that night. Archie has a plan but the girls say they want to meet him in the shop class because it’s soundproof. And what they have in store for him will need all the soundproofing they can get. Archie is very excited for this date, and when he arrives Betty gives him some extra strong coffee to keep up his stamina. Except the coffee is drugged and seconds later, Archie is on the floor unconscious. When he awakens, he’s strapped to a table, Betty and Veronica gleefully telling him that they’ll never have to share him again. he sees them pushing a large saw in his direction … and back at the Pembroke a blood covered Betty and Veronica are sitting on the couch, Veronica caressing the top half of Archie while Betty gets the bottom half.
Jughead seems rather pleased with that twist ending but Veronica has … opinions. She troubled by the pattern of sexual politics in his stories. Jughead says she’s over-thinking things, the stories are just meant to be a gas. For whom, she asks. Certainly not teen girls, who he’s depicting as shallow, crazy killers. Is that what he thinks of them? Jughead counters that the boys are no great shakes either, but that makes Veronica more certain that he’s demonizing women. No, it’s just a comic book. Jughead tries to turn the situation around now that he’s finished and suggests they do head over to the Babylonium (now a movie theater instead of a casino) and catch that movie. Veronica says she’s going to take a page from that last story and split. Jughead worries that he’s ruined their relationship but she says everything is fine. However he learns at school that it’s far from fine as Veronica won’t even glance in his direction. Veronica has gone back to being the beautiful socialite while he’s just the ‘Melvin’ who writes comic books. The kind that hopefully weren’t corrupting the youth of America. In the win column, Mr. Fieldstone was highly impressed with Jughead’s work in just 24 hours, and even though the stories might have given him some girl trouble, he’s got something to make Jughead feel better. Not a bonus, not his name on the cover, but a byline inside the comic, because girls come and go but your name in print is something that will make people sit up and take notice. Fieldstone dubs his writer Jughead ‘Jugular’ Jones, which Juggie digs, but they are both unaware of how prophetic Fieldstone’s words will turn out to be.
Jughead doesn’t know at that point of the storm that is coming as Dr. Werthers as published an article in the newspaper titled ‘Comic Books: Slaughter of the Innocent’ (as reference to that ‘Seduction of the Innocent’ diatribe). Mayor Blossom feels that the soon-to-be-forgotten Muggs murders are less of a threat to the country than what’s been outlined in that editorial. Werthers wants the creators of these reprehensible comic books held accountable and punished accordingly. To be continued …
Over all, this was a fun episode that perfectly captured the spirit of Creepshow, from the title font to the garish colors and comic book backgrounds and frames. It gives us just a tiny bit of plot advancement with the ‘unholy three’ and their as yet unknown agenda, but there are still plenty of episodes to go before we reach that final chapter of the series.
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 9:00 PM.
What did you think of this episode? Let us know in the comments section below.
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