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Poor Jesse Custer. Faced with a death or death situation, it seems he’s fighting a losing battle with whoever is administering his torture in Hell, from ants up his ass to being stuffed into a tiny barrel with rats. He’s definitely in Hell, but is all the torture actually coming from Fiore? I supposed so as Jesse tells him that the speedballs have really made him a dick. But no matter what they do to him, he is not sitting on God’s throne.
Back on the Earthly plane, Herr Starr probably wishes he was dead after losing his genitals to a dingo and having them replaced with a spigot attached to him by some possibly inbred, cave-dwelling brothers (and oh how I wished they had named them Larry, Darryl and Darryl … missed opportunity guys). To keep his strength up, the brothers also prepared Starr a delicious meal … of his lower right leg! Shocked back to his senses, Starr warns them that he has a tracker in him and the most elite forces will be there to rescue him and then they’ll all be sorry for mutilating him. And before you know it, shots ring out, bullets pass through the brothers’ brains and Featherstone and company are there to rescue Starr, with Featherstone herself carrying Starr … or what’s left of him … to safety. A nice gesture considering he had ordered Hoover Two to kill her not too long ago. I suppose she revealed his deception to Starr on the trip back to Masada (and from the looks of Starr, it seemed like they walked there considering his ratty beard growth by the time he assumed his seat before Jesus and Hitler).
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Hitler and Jesus seemed to have reached their impasse in regards to the Apocalypse, and even try to convince Starr that they don’t need Humperdoo, who is just a clone of the OG Messiah standing right before them. Jesus can even bust a move himself but Starr tells them it’s not up to him. God has ordained Humperdoo as the one true Messiah and without him, there will be no Apocalypse. A despondent Starr decides that with no Messiah, he’ll never get his beauty back and attempts to hang himself with a sash he had won in some ‘Young Mister’ contest he had won, several times, in the 1970s … when he was much too old to actually compete. This little bit of backstory finally revealed how he lost his eye to the losing contestants who beat him and carved up his face in the rest room. But a silk sash is not the best material to hang yourself with, and the knot slipped. Starr apparently didn’t realize the sash was also behind the chain that was linked to his nipple clips and when it slipped, it also tore off his nipples. God appeared as Starr laid in a sobbing heap asking Starr why he did this if he wants his beauty back. Starr said it was because he couldn’t find Humperdoo and didn’t know where he was, and God said, ‘You didn’t ask.’ Touching Starr’s head, he revealed Humperdoo’s location.
Tulip and Cassidy have finally come to accept the fact that Jesse is dead, and three months later have a plan to kill Humperdoo in front of God. They had tried before but God would never take the bait, so they waited … and waited, strapping a belt of explosives around Humperdoo’s torso, the trigger on a chain around Cassidy’s neck. Tulip comes up with a game that involves an old refrigerator, and when she says it’s time to play rocket to the moon, Humperdoo runs to the fridge and gets inside. That’s whey they will detonate the explosives. But Cas has developed a soft spot for the imbecile, and is particularly impressed when they find him petting two deer (which Humperdoo calls dogs). How can they kill this innocent creature?
As they are having dinner one day of indeterminate food, Cas is trying to be polite but Humperdoo seems to love it. Of course he does. And then Humperdoo projectile vomits all over Cas, the table and Tulip. Then Cas follows suit and Tulip realizes that someone is there for Humperdoo. She tells him it’s time to go to the moon before she hurls (the Grail folks have some kind of sonic device that makes them puke, and Featherstone gives her a solid punch to the face as well), and Humperdoo runs out the door to the fridge. Tulip yells at Cas to flip the switch but he’s still confused by the vomit and conflicted over the order to kill the lovable goof, so Tulip grabs the trigger from him. Watching Humperdoo innocently having fun in his ‘rocket’, she watches as the Grail attaches straps to it and pulls it up into the air. She just didn’t have the heart at that point.
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Back in the projection of Heaven, Fiore finally orders the angels to put Jesse on the throne, and when they do God’s voice rings out: ‘Jesse … LIVE’ and Jesse crawls out of his shallow grave. Stumbling across the Outback, Jesse spots a camper van heading in his direction and he flags it down. The driver, of course, is God and Jesse is thrilled and humbled to finally meet his maker. But God doesn’t take kindly to anyone being so bold as to look Him directly in the eyes, casting the preacher to the ground. Jesse asserts that he passed all the tests that were thrown at him in Hell, never once going against God’s will and never willingly sitting on the throne. God sees things differently and tells Jesse that he almost passed, but there was a point where he did waver and want to sit on the throne. That was enough for God to rip Jesse’s eye out with his teeth, and Jesse realized that there was never a way to pass any of God’s tests. You live, and you die, and you learn.
With Humperdoo returned to Masada, Starr is whole again (is that Jesse’s right eye replacing Starr’s dead one?) and ready to announce that the Apocalypse is now ready for TV. Cas and Tulip, meanwhile, have made their way back to the Middle East and are staying in Tulip’s old room at the Bar and Grail, or what’s left of the place. After a lovemaking session, there is a knock at the door and they are both stunned to see Jesse standing before them. Cas can’t help but chuckle as Tulip hugs Jesse like she never has before.
So with two episodes left, it looks like the trio are finally reunited and ready to stop the Apocalypse. There were a couple of interesting tidbits in the episode as well. We finally got back to Australia to the prison. An inmate is playing a guitar and is violently stabbed to death. Eugene walks in, asks the guy if he’s okay and picks up the guitar. The scene cut just as he was about to strum the instrument. Also, during once of Jesse’s Hell visions, he encountered The Saint who gave him a ride on his horse. Jesse asked where he got the horse and got a look on his face by the sudden realization that The Saint is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Is he, or was that just something Jesse imagined. We’re sure to find out soon!
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