Dynasty gives us the craziest of twists yet

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The Dynasty writers have gone completely off their rockers at this point … but in a way that definitely makes me want to tune in again next week to see what crazy shizz they’re going to pull next. And, by the way, did you notice that the episode was directed by Growing Pains‘ Maggie Seaver herself, Joanna Kerns? I would love to know what she thought when she read that final scene. We’ll get to that in a minute.  

What else happened this week? It’s hard to remember after that final moment but there is some shady business with Blake and Adam working together to swap out a urine sample from their drug addicted soccer player … and they were caught by Jeff who has suddenly taken an interest in his no-longer-silent partnership in the team. He knew the player had been partying it up for a couple of weeks (thanks Monica) and hoped to screw Blake over for screwing him over after the failed land grab. But Jeff should know by now that everyone who’s anyone in Atlanta is in Blake’s pocket, even the doctor who is administering the drug tests. And if you have an adult child who needs a job, Blake has no problem hiring the kid to get his way. At this point, it wouldn’t be a surprise to learn that Blake also bribed the colleges to get Stephen and Fallon admitted. Jeff should know by now that he’ll never outsmart Blake. And Adam is quickly becoming an equally dangerous opponent.

Cristal is in panic mode because she fears her father will be turning up shortly to do harm to her Carrington family, and now she’s got Sam in panic mode with her. And he wants her to make it clear to her father that he’s not a Carrington by blood and is in the process of a divorce. But continuing to live in the mansion is a giant target, so he first enlists Anders to help him brush up on his martial arts (he ‘kills’ a crystal vase of tulips), and they try to convince Blake they’re all in danger. Blake refuses to cave in to their fear, feeling his driver/security guard is enough defense for whatever comes. At a party for the soccer team, Blake discovers his driver unconscious and Cristal’s ‘family crest’ drawn in the windshield. It was enough for Blake to finally fortify the mansion with bulletproof windows and other security measures, but what he doesn’t know is that Cristal and Sam turned Lucy and Ethel, with Sam drugging the driver with sleeping pills and drawing the crest himself. To which Cristal informed him that Mexican families do not have crests, that’s more of a Spanish thing. Sam’s retort was funny: ‘Blake probably doesn’t know the difference between Mexico and Spain.’

Fallon is trying to get her new publishing company off the ground, turning it into an outlet for feminist works which means that book deal with Liam, whose book was about to be published, was off the table. But Liam has a play-or-pay contract and if Fallon cancels the book, he still gets a massive penalty payout. Not something she can afford at the moment so she attempts to make the release of his book as difficult as possible so he’ll quit, limiting the run to 3,000 copies and changing his book tour to smaller, and in one case unknown, cities. Liam’s no dummy and calls her out for what she’s trying to do, and also keeps pushing her to actually read his book. At one point she hijacks a planned bookstore appearance to hype the new author she’s trying to sign, and that actually goes well enough that she got the author, but she also knows that deep down Liam is the man for her. She finally reads the book and sees that it’s actually about her, shows up at his place to tell him she will publish it — with a few minor tweaks — and learns that he’s broken up with the girlfriend Fallon accosted at the ski resort. This may be a win-win situation for her after all. And Fallon’s not even mad at Kirby for kissing Culhane (thanks Monica).

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And then those final moments. I wasn’t expecting Alexis’ bandages to come off so soon but here we are at the big unveiling. The nurses unwrap her face in slow-motion, we hear what sounds a bit like Nicolette Sheridan’s voice exclaim how thrilled she is with her new, younger look. Adam enters the room with a bouquet of flowers and Alexis turns to reveal the face of … FALLON?!?! What. The. Actual. F—! I know we’ve all been waiting to hear who the show had recast Sheridan with, but I don’t think anyone expected the new Alexis to be ‘Special Guest’ Elizabeth Gillies! Adam was perversely thrilled with his mother’s new look, which was even creepier than the time he kissed Fallon on the lips. The ick factor here is almost off the charts … but I can’t wait to see what they do next!

What did you think of the episode? Tell us in the comments section below!

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