The Force is absent in the latest Star Wars-themed products

Ugg

As far as footwear goes, I’ve always (yes, I used “always”) hated Uggs. Not only are they dopey looking, they make people who wear them look dopey. I’m certain no more awkward a shoe could be created.

Now, I’m no Hugo Boss or Eddie Bauer. Far be it. I’m more a T-shirt and jeans kinda guy than haute couture Harry. I’m the guy who reads stuff in the paper that says “Yellows and plaids are in this season!” and questions who it is that has so much command over the fashion industry to make such claims. “Show me the guy who said this and how he got everyone to comply” is my usual response. Because I want to meet him/her/them. I’ve got questions for whoever it is. Many questions.

Regardless of who he/she/they is/are, however, they couldn’t possibly be responsible for Uggs, the ultimate in awkward-looking footwear. Have you ever noticed Uggs give the wearer an inward-turned ankle appearance, so much so it lends to the impression the person is about to collapse on their own weight below the knee? I know, I know … it’s simply the aesthetics of the footwear … but it’s not a good look.

Regardless, the fashion maven Powers That Be at Uggs have obtained license to create and produce the latest and greatest “WowZah! Let’s do that!” product: Star Wars-themed footwear. You saw them up there in the photo, right? Ugly as sin, aren’t they? I doubt a bounty hunter (and we all know how fashion conscious bounty hunters are) would be caught wearing them. Instant credibility plunge.

But hold on for a moment. Let’s recall what Obi-Wan Kenobi said about The Force in Star Wars. Maybe that will lend a little merchandising enlightenment: “The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.” Nope. Nothing there. Because, admittedly, The Force might be pretty damned powerful but it certainly can’t account for urging double takes of admiration for these atrocities. Nor will it ever.

But as if Uggs weren’t ugly on their own (I don’t think there’s any doubt at this point on the matter) they’ve been joined by yet another merchandising masterpiece: PacSun enters the fray with Star Wars-themed baseball-style jerseys (and more) which rival the embarrassing gaudiness of Uggs’ product. A simple gander at their Stormtrooper shirt is enough to make you abandon any hope of common sense …

PacSun

See what I mean? Heck … this shirt makes Jabba The Hutt attractive by comparison.

These items are just a few of the reasons why I will never (yes, I used “never”) completely understand the fashion industry. Why Lucasfilm allows this kind of merchandising, well … let’s just say I’m as dumbfounded as you.

Or in the words of my good friend Bobba Looga who first made note to me of these Ugg/PacSun travesties: