Hey, Predictability: Let’s you and I talk for a few, okay?
Look … don’t get me wrong – I respect you for what you are. You definitely have your moments, your high points. The “matter of factness” you convey is often the basis for theories and ideas and common sense which, if not around, would let chaos run rampant. That’s the beauty of you. Everyone knows where you stand. They read you like a book.
And, yeah … I know you got the short end of the stick when it comes to your partner, Unpredictability. I know it seems like he has all the fun. The surprises. The shockers. The turn of events no one saw coming. He’s got some pretty nifty cards up his sleeve, granted.
But you’re no slouch. Except when you’re slouching. And brother … you were slouching all over the place on Designated Survivor last night.
It’s like you weren’t even trying, man. And it’s not like someone can hand you a Snickers bar to help you snap out of it. You know, like when a grumpy Danny Trejo is handed one and he turns back into Jan Brady? That doesn’t work for you. If you’re not working your “A” game it looks as if you’re there simply because you’re contracted to show up. And you do. And that’s all you do. Show up, collect your paycheck, leave. It’s better if you just stay in bed, not even get up.
Here’s what I mean. On Designated Survivor, remember there was that Navy SEAL team sent out to capture Majid Nassar, the terrorist responsible for blowing up The Capitol? The outcome of that little exercise was one of two things: It was going to be successful or it was going to fail. We knew that going in. You didn’t even mix things up to make it interesting. It was just there. No drama, no wrench thrown in the machine, nothing.
Oh, you tossed a token wrench into the machine by offing that one SEAL who hadn’t had a honeymoon with his wife, instead training for some mission at the time. Yeah … that was sad for about half a second and we were over it. Even Kiefer Sutherland was trying to hold it together and squeeze something out of it emotionally to give it a bit of depth. But even he couldn’t milk anything out it.
See what I mean?
And that other event, the one were Hannah Wells was investigating Congressman Peter MacLeish trying to figure out how he survived The Capitol bombing. Of course it was revealed Room 105 was bomb proof, thus rendering MacLeish safe. Duh. Dare I say it? That was so “predictable.” Again … you weren’t even trying there.
Your get up and go just ain’t there, dude. Go home. Stay in bed. Let someone else do the heavy lifting when you’re in that frame of mind. Because all you’re doing is making a perfectly good television show drivel, something that’s the furthest thing from making an episode engaging and interesting.
Here … remember a couple weeks ago when Kirkman fired Michigan Governor John Royce for being an asshat, illegally detaining citizens in his state? That was all you, baby! Of course Kirkman had to do that! Deep down we knew that! It was you and your predictable nature! You implanted that thought into our minds … we knew that had to happen! But you worked it so we didn’t see it coming … and when it did: YowZah! Drama! That was great!
I know, I know … you have to be firing on all thrusters on other shows simultaneously sometimes – that’s got to be trying. But we’re talkin’ a brand new drama here with Designated Survivor. Too many of those kinds of forays – heartless, boring, listless ones where you slog your way through – and folks are going to start abandoning the ship.
You know where I’m coming from? You do? Good.
So … we understand each other, you know what you need to do? Terrific.
Then I’ll see you next time. Break a leg.
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